The not-so-glamorous-parts of natural birth…that no one tells you about

photo-1498159413615-882f272c24f1So you’re pregnant. ‘Up the duff.’ Got a ‘bun in the oven.’ You’re ‘with child.’ Expecting. Reproducing the world’s best looking offspring and now all you gotta do is just wait out the next nine months, before someone hands you your new child. Piece of cake, right? Until that wave of fear overcomes you and it sends shivers down your spine, while you ask yourself the question, “how do I actually get this child out?!”

Have you seen the size of some newborns these days? They can be the size of a three year old! And if you’re on your way to deliver that three-year-old human, there are a few things you might like to prepare yourself for (and please note, when we say ‘not-so-glamorous’ in the title, we really mean it!)

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  1. Contractions are bloody painful!!!!!! (the extra exclamation marks are necessary here) Think of your worst period pain and then times it by a million, and you’ll be in the ballpark. Although they may only last a short while, they are very intense and bizarrely, you can continue to experience minor versions of contractions after the birth.

  2. There will be stiches, because just before babe arrived, there was someone waving scissors about. You thought they were just extra organised for the moment to cut the cord, but how wrong you were. Ouch! But on the scale of pain at this point, this cutting is the least of your worries.

  3. Prepare for blood and goop and a bit of “did that all come out of me?!” moments.

  4. You and your fresh baby could also be covered in poo. Eww! It could be yours, it could be babes, who ever it belongs to is not the focus here, I just hope you’ve got a room full of helpful people holding things like towels to get rid of it, stat!

  5. So baby is born, you are done. Drop the mic. But wait, it’s not over just yet! Now you have to give ‘birth’ to the placenta. Hopefully you will be too distracted by the amazing little human that’s just arrived to notice this step of the process… Hopefully.

  6. You may be bed-bound for a little while. If you’ve had an epidural that can take a few hours to wear off before you get your sea legs back. If you’ve had a caesarian, it will be at least a full day before you’re out of bed. This can be tough when all you want to do is walk around and cuddle that new little thing!

  7. Not only the newborn will be going home in a nappy, there’s a high chance you will be too. After birth, regardless of it being natural, or through the ‘sun-roof’, the majority of women will have an on-going bleed; this unfortunately can last up to six weeks! Yay, a six-week period! Making up for all that missed time during the pregnancy.

  8. For the first weeks following the birth, when you walk you will actually feel like your bottom is about to fall out. That’s the best way we can describe it to you.

  9. You will have experienced all of these things and so much more, but at the end of it all, you have the most amazing miracle! You won’t think about the contractions, you’ll forget about the poo. You’ll only think about this new little person in your life and imagine what sort of life you’ll share together.

What was the most memorable part of birth you won’t ever forget?